Current:Home > ContactTikTokers swear the bird test can reveal if a relationship will last. Psychologists agree. -RiskWatch
TikTokers swear the bird test can reveal if a relationship will last. Psychologists agree.
View
Date:2025-04-25 21:15:00
TikTokers say they've discovered the secret to predicting whether a couple will last or eventually breakup − and psychologists say they're actually onto something.
It's called the bird test, and it's the subject of research conducted by psychologist John Gottman of The Gottman Institute, an organization dedicated to investigating the psychology of relationships. Videos tagged #birdtest have accumulated more than 16 million views with users testing the theory on their significant others.
The test involves getting excited about something insignificant and seeing how your partner reacts. For instance, if you look out the window and exclaim, "Wow, that's a beautiful bird," does your partner look to see what you're interested in or do they ignore it and go about their business? Or worse: Do they lash out and dismiss your enthusiasm entirely?
Repeated reactions that involve ignoring or flat-out rejecting your attempts to connect, even over something small like a bird, doesn't bode well for the future of the relationship, the bird test posits.
Gary Brown, a licensed marriage and family therapist, says there's a lot of truth to it.
"The beauty of the bird test is, basically ... it's a bid to ask whoever you're with to turn towards you and engage with you and show interest in something that you're interested in, versus what (Gottman) calls turning away," he says.
Is the bird test reliable?
The purpose of the bird test is to see how often your partner picks up on bids you offer them in your relationship. Brown describes a bid as "a request to engage and to connect with the other, no matter what the topic is," such as an invitation to look at a bird.
In his research, Gottman found couples who stayed together and reported feeling happy in their relationships turned toward each other about 86% of the time when presented a bid from their partner. Couples who broke up or felt unhappy in their relationships turned toward each other only about 33% of the time, according to The Gottman Institute's website.
David and Victoria Beckhamand how to (maybe) tell if your partner is in love with you
Bids may seem small, but they happen frequently, so it's important not to ignore them.
"Throughout the day, we're often making these bids right?" licensed psychotherapist Marni Feuerman says. "It's not unusual to say, 'Hey, do you want to have dinner now? Do you want to go on a walk? Oh, look at this cool Netflix show.' How is your partner responding and reacting?"
Several TikTokers have put their partners to the bird test, including former "Bachelorette" star Michelle Young, who practically jumped for joy when her significant other stopped to look out the window when she said she saw a cardinal. Gottman himself has endorsed the trend on TikTok as well.
What if the bird test goes wrong?
Don't panic if your partner fails a bird test.
Brown says that, if you're going to employ the bird test, make sure it's not during a time when your partner is occupied.
"If you're in a relationship and you are wanting to look at a bird, but it's the seventh game of the World Series for your partner, and your partner may say, 'I can't turn towards you now,' ... that doesn't mean that the relationship is doomed," Brown says.
Also, it's more important to see how your partner responds to you over time, so don't write them off if they fail a single bird test.
"Make those bids a few times over the course of a couple days," Feuerman says. "Look for the pattern. So, if consistently the partner ignores, doesn't respond, the bid isn't tuned into, then yes, I would say someone could reasonably discern 'I might have an issue here' or there might be a problem."
And if there is an issue, talk it out − and keep in mind no one is going to pass the bird test every time.
"People are going to miss bids on occasion, and so it's not about people getting worried or panicked that they're missing some, because you will. We all will," Feuerman says. "We're human."
veryGood! (92)
Related
- 'Malcolm in the Middle’ to return with new episodes featuring Frankie Muniz
- Chelsea Handler slams JD Vance for 'childless cat ladies' comment: 'My God, are we tired'
- Anthony Edwards cheers on Team USA table tennis after friendly trash talk, 'challenge' at 2024 Paris Olympics
- 72-year-old woman, 2 children dead after pontoon boat capsizes on Lake Powell in Arizona
- The company planning a successor to Concorde makes its first supersonic test
- Terrell Davis says United banned him after flight incident. Airline says it was already rescinded
- Michigan Supreme Court decision will likely strike hundreds from sex-offender registry
- ‘TikTok, do your thing’: Why are young people scared to make first move?
- Taylor Swift Eras Archive site launches on singer's 35th birthday. What is it?
- Coco Gauff ousted at Paris Olympics in third round match marred by controversial call
Ranking
- Trump suggestion that Egypt, Jordan absorb Palestinians from Gaza draws rejections, confusion
- Investigation finds at least 973 Native American children died in abusive US boarding schools
- Anthony Edwards cheers on Team USA table tennis after friendly trash talk, 'challenge' at 2024 Paris Olympics
- Paris Olympics highlights: USA adds medals in swimming, gymnastics, fencing
- Chuck Scarborough signs off: Hoda Kotb, Al Roker tribute legendary New York anchor
- Artificial turf or grass?: Ohio bill would require all pro teams to play on natural surfaces
- Delaware gubernatorial candidate calls for investigation into primary rival’s campaign finances
- Terrell Davis says United banned him after flight incident. Airline says it was already rescinded
Recommendation
Bodycam footage shows high
Wetland plant once nearly extinct may have recovered enough to come off the endangered species list
What was Jonathan Owens writing as he watched Simone Biles? Social media reacts
Providence patients’ lawsuit claims negligence over potential exposure to hepatitis B and C, HIV
Dick Vitale announces he is cancer free: 'Santa Claus came early'
American consumers feeling more confident in July as expectations of future improve
Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban's Daughter Sunday Rose, 16, Looks All Grown Up in Rare Red Carpet Photo
Radical British preacher Anjem Choudary sentenced to life in prison for directing a terrorist group